Thursday

Spencer is holding his own this morning. He continues with the CPAP (a little mask that intermittently provides puffs of oxygen), which means that is he still breathing on his own with only a little assistance. The docs have given him some surfectant to aid his lungs' functions. Spencer is really something to watch. As I stood by his bassinet in the NICU last night, I was in complete awe. Thank God, literally, for miracles. We all have a lot to learn from this little boy. What a gift to our family! We appreciate the prayers, good thoughts and energy...they are obviously helping! Bless you for caring. More info soon.

The journey is the reward.   Chinese Proverb

Wednesday

It was a good day for Spencer yesterday. In his photo, he appears to be doing some praying of his own! Kate was able to touch him last night.  Bless her heart, I'm sure that was an emotional moment.

Kate just called to tell me that he has been diagnosed with an intestinal  infection. The nurse assured her that it will be treated aggressively and that 20% of all preemies get it. Kate is understandably distressed but she is hanging in there and maintaining a positive attitude. She will go home from the hospital tomorrow. I imagine she'll have mixed feelings--after all, she misses Logan and being with him, but it will be difficult for her to be so far away from Spencer. We'll all have to pitch in to help her feel like it's manageable. For the next few months, my daily routine will include visiting our precious Spencer.

Logan will stay with me again today, and we'll meet his Aunt Robin at the hospital later this afternoon so that he can go home with her. He has been with me since Sunday, and it will be good for him to have play time with his young cousin and friends.

In an hour, Logan and I will be going out to the Mannix Center to meet with Lee and Jyl regarding a plan for Zeke. Guess I'd better get him out of pajamas and into street clothes.  Likely I'll have updates after seeing Spencer, Kate and Joe this evening. Keep those prayers coming--they're working!

Once you choose hope, anything's possible.   Christopher Reeve

Tiny Spencer

Spencer is holding his ground...still breathing on his own and stable vitals. He is so tiny yet has made an enormous impact on our family. We all love him and are doing all we can to help him feel that love! When Logan and I went to the hospital today, I was relieved to see Kate looking so much better. Sure, her color was better, but there seemed to be a peacefulness in her eyes. It must be painful for a mom to experience that sort of delivery with complications. I'm sure it's hard not to take on responsibility and hurt about it. There is one thing I can state as a fact: Kate Lutringer Brown is an exceptional mom. She takes full responsibility for her children whether they be in utero or walking about. I hope she knows in her head and in her heart that this just happened...she was not the cause. It's difficult to understand why there have to be crises such as this, so perhaps we shouldn't spend energy trying to figure out why...just deal with what is in front of us and carry on the best we can.

After being on autopilot since this began Sunday morning, I had not let myself feel much emotion because I wanted to be sure Logan, Kate and Joe were all right. As I was leaving the NICU this evening, a gigantic wave of emotion and pain enveloped me. One of the NICU nurses saw me and gave me a long, reassuring hug. She kept saying that this was going to turn out well. What she didn't know was that part of the hurt was Mark's absence. I've made it through a lot on my own, but tonight I wanted more than anything to have him here to hold me and understand.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my special dog people. They are going to help me develop a plan to find a better home for my Zeke. Since moving to this smaller house and yard, he has become extremely nervous about keeping up with the neighborhood activities and continually runs back and forth between the east and west gates--over and over again. It makes me tear up just to think about having to give him up, but I love my dogs too much to see them frustrated and anxious. With my job and other obligations, it is almost impossible for me to work in enough activity for him. Now that Spencer has entered the world, my responsibilities have broadened further. Perhaps I'd been sensing that something was in the works and that is why I've been thinking about this situation with Zeke for the past few weeks. Lee and Jyl will steer me in the right direction, I'm sure of it. As a dear friend said to me yesterday, it will be difficult but it will be the right thing to do and I will feel better once I've done what I feel is best for Zeke. I'm sure he's right. Thanks, Paul.

Everyone reading this, please pause now and offer a prayer of hope and healing for Spencer. Thank you.

We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults.  Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment.  ~George Eliot

Spencer Thomas Brown

My second grandson, Spencer Thomas Brown, was born at 9:58 yesterday morning, 1-24-10. He is  incredibly beautiful. There is one catch in this process...his due date was 5-13-10, meaning that he was born at 24 weeks and 4 days. He weighs 2 pounds and is 13 inches long. For a short period of time after birth, he needed some assistance but has been breathing on his own since. He will remain in the North Austin Medical Center NICU for an extended period, and he is receiving the best of care. I am grateful that I'll be able to continue visiting Spencer in NICU.

When I see him in his little bed, sleeping, moving his tiny hands and feet, it is impossible to describe the obvious presence of a miracle! God is good. I'm hoping that others will join us in offering prayers for his survival.

Kate, as always, is strong and determined. I admire that young woman. Aside from the unconditional love that a mom has for her daughter, I see a strong, willful, kind, loving human being. I know Spencer's early arrival has been frightening for her, and she must feel helpless.

Logan is staying with me for a few days, and I hope that it helps her to know he is here playing with the dogs, taking walks and playing outdoors. Of course, we will make trips up to the hospital to visit mom and dad, too. Jenny and Paul are coming by this afternoon to take Logan to play at the park and expend some energy. He will love that, and I can already hear the laughter! It was a good coincidence that Amanda and James were here this weekend, and Jenny joined us yesterday afternoon. How special it felt to have all of the girls together.

Times like this emphasize the importance of family. It is much harder to not have Mark physically present with me, but perhaps his absence here means that he will be able to help Spencer. As a friend of mine mentioned yesterday, we all know that Spencer has a special angel watching over him.

Every person is a God in embryo. Its only desire is to be born.
  Deepak Chopra

A nice 3-day weekend...

I talked with all 3 of my girls over the weekend. By this time next year, I'll have 3 grandsons! Guess I'd better double up on the vitamins now! Last Thursday, Amanda and James learned that their little one will be a boy--Jonah Mark. I think that's a lovely name and it's nice to see Mark honored. Yesterday, Jen and I were laughing about next Christmas and how much fun it will be. As I understand it, Kate and Joe are still talking about names for Logan's little brother. Miracles! I'm so grateful...God is good.

Zeke and I had our second Agility II class yesterday. It seems that many of the dogs were in a fog of sorts, and they were all watching each other needing reminders to stay on task. We all have days like that, yes? The weather has been sort of funky and that may have affected their concentration, but it was still a good class. Zeke was comical on his first trip through the chute. It had become twisted, and he had to roll his way through it. Other classmates were laughing and talking about how cute he can be. Gosh, he even did the teeter without falling off and easily jumped 36 inches. So, in spite of appearing to lack focus, he accomplished a lot!

When we head home after each class, it's obvious that Zeke has enjoyed himself and used some energy. He always curls up and nods off...calm and relaxed. And I leave there feeling that we've spent the morning in a good way. Nice people, loved pets, learning more about agility and a terrific instructor.

On Saturday, I took Zeke and Caleb walking around Town Lake. It was a lot of fun especially because it was such a beautiful, sunny day. Caleb was being his normal, goofy Great Pyrenees puppy self. When extra friendly dogs would greet us, Caleb would do a pyr dance as if asking them if they wanted to play. Those of you reading this with pyrs in your life, you know the pyr dance. It's entertaining and can make your heart smile in an instant, right? Zeke was in his usual Border Collie mode, watching and keeping track of all the dogs. Because of that, he was pulling on his lead, and that's not the way it should be. I'll begin taking them separately so that I can work on specific tasks and techniques. Caleb is only 6 months old (even though he already weighs 70 pounds!) and he needs particular instruction as well. And I can always use double exercise.

Funny how life works. Lately, it feels as if Mark passed ages and ages ago instead of 5 1/2 years. I  still, and always will, miss him. Yet, life goes on. Often times, I have conflicting feelings about moving on. For the most part, I'm dealing pretty well. Moving to a different house near more people has been the most beneficial thing I've done thus far. We were together for so long, and it's still weird doing everything on my own. Even after all of this time, I still miss sharing with him.

For this spring (early spring, actually), I have 3 projects of sorts: 1) continue with detailed dog training continuing agility for Zeke and therapy work for Caleb; 2) finish a couple of gift quilts; 3) create a vegetable garden on the west side of my driveway--herbs, veggies and perennials. It would be great to have home-grown food, and I love to share! All 3 of these projects are time consuming but each one has a time frame that is important.

And, of course, Iris continues to be the tiny princess of our domain. Bit by bit, she is coming out of her shell and learning to trust people. It is heartwarming to see. Going to work with me the past couple of weeks made a big difference. As time and Iris permit, I will begin training with her. Wouldn't she be terrific at small dog agility? I suppose we shouldn't tell her about the "small dog" designation, because she obviously sees herself as anything but "small!" And she actually would likely be a great therapy dog as well. She's small enough to be a lap dog for elderly people and would be an entertainer if she mastered parlor tricks. We'll see. Time will tell.

I'm thankful to have so many good people and my loving dogs in my life.

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.  ~Author Unknown

A new year begins

Look at our beautiful family!

Our holidays were nice...really nice. Kellie, Paul and Mayson came by on Christmas Eve, and they had a chance to visit with James and Amanda, too. It was wonderful having the girls, sons-in-law, grandson, friends and pups all together on Christmas Day. We had lots of laughter, good food and genuine affection flowing through the day. As Jenny pointed out, it made Mark's absence more profound, yet we all know he was there with us. It would have been nice to have him in person with that wonderful smile. I miss him.

Logan has grown some impressive muscles and was more than happy to show me. Rest assured I feel much safer knowing how strong he is! He also had a lot of other things to tell me. Gosh, how I love that little guy.

Amanda and James received a special gift from Jenny--bride and groom Christmas ornaments. They are great. A frog bride and a frog groom! One of Mark's favorite songs was "I'm in love with a big blue frog."  Peter, Paul and Mary, I believe. Seeing those ornaments brought back happy memories. Seeing Amanda and James happy and settled is nice, and hearing them talk about baby preparations made everyone smile. There is an ultrasound scheduled for the 14th, so perhaps we'll know the gender by then. Healthy is all that matters.

On Christmas Eve, Jenny suggested a new tradition, and it was a blast. Jen, Paul, Amanda, James, Kate, Logan, Zeke, Caleb and I gathered together and walked the 3-mile loop around Town Lake. It was extremely cold with gusting wind, but we laughed and talked the entire time. Afterward, we went to Torchy's Tacos and ate outdoors around the firepit. We think we want to make this a regular activity for Christmas Eve. No matter what we do, Jenny finds a way to make everyone laugh!

Sarah Rothband Rosanky, my best friend since early high school, came over on Christmas Day. It was fun to have her there, and she really enjoyed seeing all of the girls and Logan. In fact, that was her first introduction to James, and she hadn't seen Logan in a long time. We couldn't resist a photo op!

I wrote earlier about Pearl's passing. As with any loss, it takes time to adjust. Little Iris is lost without her. She'll be coming to work with me a lot these next couple of weeks, and that will ease the transition. It's part of life, but it is hard not to feel sorry for Iris when she goes running in my studio for her snuggles and Pearl is no longer there.  
Caleb and Zeke appear to know...somehow they just seem to understand.  Here is a moving photo I took of Caleb snuggled up to Pearl just a day before she passed.

Caleb and I completed a condensed puppy class especially designed for rescues. Aside from meeting other people and their pups, it was helpful having the classes in a compressed time. Caleb seemed to enjoy it and thrived in the atmosphere. He was, of course, the star of the class, and the trainer used him for most of the examples. With the unusually laid back personality, everyone was taken to him and it was easy to teach new commands. One of our classmates, Amanda, called him a rock star!

This coming Sunday, Zeke and I begin Agility II. I'm always amazed when I watch that beautiful Border Collie at work. He watches me continually only wanting to please. Zeke is a special companion, and we do exceptionally well at outdoor activities. Sunday mornings at the Mannix Center will provide welcome doses of calm reinforcement for Zeke, and I always enjoy being there!

Over the past year, I have transformed the clean, simple, succulent planting beds in the front yard to a lush butterfly garden. There are some additions I want to make, but I'm quite pleased and my neighbors have been thrilled. The strip of lawn on the left side of the driveway has been primarily bermuda grass and weeds. I'm planning to cultivate that into a vegetable and herb garden. It would be healthy and beneficial to have fresh herbs and veggies on hand. The back yard, with the 2 large pecan trees, doesn't get enough sun. Plus, can you imagine how much fun Caleb would have with vegetable plants?  I'll begin simply and expand as time and energy permit.
 This is what you shall do; Love the earth and sun, and all the animals. ~ Walt Whitman ~

Goodbye to Pearl

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to Pearl, my beloved elderly Great Pyrenees.  Her arthritic condition had been worsening and she lost critical strength in her back legs. In addition to not being able to do things she wanted to do for fun, she had become unable to handle some basic movements in order to have quality of life.

It was an extremely difficult decision, but my vet, who is a good friend and a terrific doctor for my pups, talked it through with me. We decided that it was time to let her go.

Many of my friends have loved her over the years, and they completely understand the grief I feel. The most important fact that continues to dominate my thoughts is how I was indeed fortunate and blessed to have this beautiful creature in my life for almost ten years. And, let's not forget, she was Mark's princess. Pearl was a special girl--always there in her quiet, strong way. With all of life's ups and downs over the past 6+ years, she was always there for me and ready with her special affection--she loved to rub her face in my hair! I trust she has found Mark and Opal by now and is free of pain. Rest well, Princess Pearl.

You think dogs will not be in heaven?  I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.  

 ~Robert Louis Stevenson